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So, last weekend David had a friend over. They (along with my younger two kids) went outside to shoot each other with water guns. While they were happily engaged in warfare, I went into the garage looking for a hammer which I promptly dropped on my foot and then unsuccessfully tried to keep all the curse words INSIDE my head. At exactly that point, David’s friend, Owen (who is now my favorite person in the world), came into the garage and asked if we had any more water guns. I pointed to the armory and he started toward it looking pleased at the size and variety of weaponry available. On the way, he noticed Mark’s motorcycle (and possibly thinking it belonged to me) he turned toward me and said words which I may have tattooed on my face so that I can see them everyday for the rest of my life, “Wow, I didn’t think you could get any cooler, Mrs. Edwards.”

Got that, folks? I. AM. COOL.



Hiking in Memes

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600_303360152So, the summer before last I decided to start hiking again. Back in the olden days I used to hike with my dad in New Hampshire and Maine. Mark and I took our kids for a short hike with my dad this past summer after which our oldest son asked, “Mom, is it ok if we never do this again?” So, basically, this is a solo endeavor for me. Fortunately, I found some hiking meetup groups so I have other folks to go with on the weekends. And I am totally loving it…mostly. It’s kind of similar to my experience at Disney World. While I’m there, sweating in the heat and standing it line while my kids complain I might be asking myself, “Why did we think this was a good idea?” But once I get back to my car I’m all like, “That. was. AWESOME!” and I can’t wait to do it again. Anyway, after almost two years of hiking every Saturday I can tell my personal experience of hiking in memes.





challengeWhen I sign up for the hike.

damn_low0–Getting out of the car/very beginning of hike.  If I’m with a new group or on a new trail I am anxious about “proving myself” to the group and being able to complete the hike. I also don’t want to be the slowest hiker. Also, I generally get up at 4 am and drive up to 3 hours to get to New Hampshire (because that’s where they keep the mountains). Oh, and I also worry about freezing because this is my first winter hiking. So I carry about 30 pounds worth of too many clothes.

okay_low1–2 hours into the hike and I’m wondering if I may die on this mountain. I am also wondering how much longer this will go on. But I’m too far into this hike to turn back now so I just plod on.

happy_smile_low2–Is this the summit? It looks like we about to go down. Fantastic. I RULE!

3–But it’s not the top. Oh no. And I’m all like crying_lowand the mountain is like your_pain_amuses_me_low and I just want to go home. But home is over the goddamn mountain.

4—This is where I’ve had enough and I hate everyone and everything brunette_determined_lowbut then…

5–….this happens and we are really at the top of the mountain. so_hardcore_lowI can tell its the top because the wind is blowing 45 miles an hour and it is roughly 10 degrees below zero because of the wind chill and I’ve never been happier in my life except when…

6–…we start going DOWNHILL. And I am recounting all the glorious things about this hike and loving life. Right up until…

7–…are you fucking kidding me!? horror_lowAre we going uphill, because I don’t have uphill muscles in my legs anymore. But it is not long until we are going downhill again

8–but the downhill keeps going and going but thenone_eternity_later_low….

9–….We are back in the parking lot and saying goodbye and what an awesome hike it was and making plans to go out and eat and it was AWESOME! and we can’t wait to do it all over again next weekend with a new mountain and maybe a new group of people and I totally feel like this awwyea


. truestory




Daquiri Hour

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So, when my sister and I were very little (like 4 and 7drunkkid years old, respectively) my mom created this thing she would do with her friends called “Daiquiri Hour.” I didn’t really understand what that was. I just knew that they would drink slushies (which they totally wouldn’t SHARE) and that they would laugh a lot and tell the kids to go play somewhere else. My mom made her own daiquiri mix and kept it in a tupperware bowl in the freezer so it would be ready when her friends came over. Anyway, one afternoon I took matters into my own hands and waited until my mom was upstairs before opening the freezer and getting the frozen daiquiri stuff out. And I SHARED it with my four-year-old sister. We sat down on the floor with two spoons and the bowl between us and proceeded to get completely bombed. I do remember that it tasted really good and that by the time my mom discovered us I didn’t care about anything at all. I don’t remember the consequences, though. Except one: no more daiquiri mix stored in our freezer.


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So, lately the top part of one (or more) of my teeth near the gum line has been hurting whenever anything cold hits that spot. Including air. And when I say it hurts I mean it makes me want to PULL. MY. FACE. OFF. I told my dentist about this and she said something about receding gums and how there’s nothing I can do about this because it happens as you get older. The good news is that it will stop hurting in 6 to 8 months. She actually said that with a straight face. This is how I imagine I’ll look until then: redskull

Well, Looky Here! Actually Looky at HuffPost Parents!

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Imperfect Mommy is on HuffPost Parents again!  Go take a look and see (and maybe Like it while you are there)!

Sticker Art

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So, I let the kids decorate the windows on “their” side of the van with stickers. And this is what I recently discovered on one window (I put a piece of paper behind it to make it easier to see):







Do you see it? Here, let me biggerize it:

IMG_1544Sweet, huh? There’s a crotch sticker from a bathing suit on my window.

‘Cause that’s how I roll.


I’ve Been Framed

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So, my two younger kids and I had an impromptu pillow/sock fight in my bedroom the other night. It started when I came into the room with a basket of clean laundry to put away and found them jumping on my bed. Scott threw a pillow at my head (he hit first) and so, naturally, I retaliated by pelting them with rolled up socks (they were clean). In the middle of this, my oldest son called me from downstairs, and I forgot about the shambles we had made of the room.

Until Mark saw the bedroom and showed me this:

kellyscanApparently, Kelly decided to frame me for the mess.

Now that is a move I can respect. She protected both herself and Scott, and threw me under the bus all with one action.


I Really Should Start Expecting the Unexpected

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So, one of my kids was taking a bath last night when I suddenly noticed that it was too quiet. I went into the bathroom to investigate and found said kid in the tub holding  this:

IMG_1495This child had created a circular hickie on their stomach with the round bottom part on the sprayer. As soon as I absorb this information this child says very seriously, “Don’t ask.”


That’ll teach me to check on a child in the bathroom.