A Unique Gift

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So, this is what happened. I wanted to get my friends, Rita and Donnie (a married couple) an “experience gift” for Christmas. Since they travel from Texas to New York every month to visit their kids and grandkids I decided to make it something they could do in NYC. I found this company where you could hire a female impersonator performer to go clubbing, partying, etc. with you. I figured this was right up Rita and Donnie’s alley since they love to go out on the town and have a good time, and they love to hang out with folks.

That brings us to yesterday when Rita called me:

Rita (on the phone): “Jen?”

Me: “Yeah?”

Rita: “So I called [that company] a couple of weeks ago to schedule the outing.”

Me: “Hey, great! How did it go?”

Rita: “Uh, Jen, it’s an escort service.”

Me: [pause] “So, did you have fun?”

Rita: “JEN!”


Kids are Weird. At Least My Kids Are.

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So, at dinner the other night I glanced up to see Kelly doing this:



She explained that she was spraying butter spray into her mouth because she had forgotten to put it on the piece of broccoli already in her mouth.

And, for some reason, that reminded me of this picture that I took a while ago:

Kelly drinking ketchup through a straw

Kelly drinking ketchup through a straw

To be fair, that probably is the healthiest thing on the menu.

Parenting by Proxy

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So, I was driving the kids to school when this conversation happened:

CHILD: “Mom, I’ve made an important decision.”

ME: “What about?”

CHILD: “Well, [SIBLING] thinks it’s gross when I pick my nose and eat it so I’m not going to do that anymore.”

ME: “It seems like you put a lot of thought into that decision.”

CHILD: “I did.”


From this date forth, I will be doing all my parenting through this sibling who seems to wield much greater power over his/her siblings than I do.

Cuckoo’s Nest.

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My oldest son, David, just recently turned 13 years old. Which now makes me the mother of a teenager.

I once heard a psychologist say that adolescence is mother nature’s way of preparing parents for the child’s departure. David’s decided to get an early jump on that preparation.

Naughty Elf #12 (Quickie)

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Seriously, Puff, it couldn’t have been that bad…no one’s ever complained before!

Fisbee, you Naughty Elf, what are you doing in Nic’s room?  Oh, Fisbee….not the Puffle!

Naughty Elf #11 (Bong Hits)

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Skeleton: “Dude, I am so HIGH! I can see a bunny wearing a tiara and an eyemask sitting on a pumpkin.”

What holiday characters do during the other 11 months of the year.  Fisbee, you naughty elf, you’re supposed to share!


Naughty Elf #9 (Somewhere in Witness Protection)

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Naughty Elf #8 (Freezer Folly)

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Guess I better apologize to Ron for yelling at him for eating all the ice cream.

Fisbee, you naughty elf, get a bowl and spoon!