I am a liar. I admit it. I lie to my children all the time. I don’t feel guilty about it. Alright, maybe a little because I feel guilty about everything, but I do it anyway. I do it even though they know I’m lying. Does that make me a compulsive liar?
I bet you’re a liar too. Most moms are. We don’t mean to be but it starts without us even knowing. It starts with a simple, “Just a minute.” We know full well it will be more than a minute but, heck ,toddlers can’t tell time. So, we continue. “In a second.” ”I’ll be there in a moment.” “Give me 5 minutes.” “I’m almost done.” “I’ll be with you in a little while.” (I almost forgot that one, but Nic just came in and asked when I would get him breakfast. A little while, heh heh.)
You know what I’m talking about. I’m sure you have your own – the ways in which moms stretch time to get one more thing done, one more sip of coffee, two more minutes of sleep. How bad can it be? It doesn’t really hurt anyone, right? The problem is that our toddlers grow up. They go to school. And, they learn to tell time.
“I’ll be with you in a minute, Aaron.”
“That’s what you told me 5 minutes ago. I know how to read a clock, you know.”
“Where did you learn to do that?”
“At school and from that book you got from the library.”
“Ok, well, no more school or library. Now, give me 5 more minutes.”
“Alright, but this time, I’m setting a timer.”
You would think it would stop there. I’ve been caught. But, I can’t stop. Once you have a taste of it, you can’t give it up. And, its not just about time anymore.
“No, we can’t go to Pump It Up. They don’t have any open play times.” Even though, I have 3 messages from Pump It Up in my e-mail contradicting that very statement.
“Oh, honey, it’s beautiful. I’ll treasure it always.” Yea, it’s so beautiful I can’t even tell what it is and I plan to bury in the junk draw with the 25 other beautiful things you made for me this week.
“That was awesome!” I have no idea what you just told me and I thought it was completely boring, but sounds like you think it was awesome so that is what I will say.
“You don’t want ice cream from the ice cream truck. He only has the rejected ones. That’s why he has to sell them from a truck. Come in the house, I’ll give you a good one from the store.” Okay, this one I feel a little bad about. The ice cream truck is fun! But there is no way I’m paying his prices when I have perfectly good ice cream in the house.
“Mommy, is so sad you are starting school next week. I’ll miss having you with me all the time.” Don’t even tell me you haven’t told this one. Sure I love them, but they’re with me ALL THE TIME.
I could keep going. I’ve gotten really good at lying. When you have kids, it can make things a lot easier. You try to explain to a 5-year-old why he can’t ”color” his hair with the permanent marker even though he has seen you ”color” your hair. When that 5 hours of your life is over, remember this for next time: “Mommy’s hair color is made for hair. Permanent markers will make your hair fall out. Permanently.”
Now, I have to go check on Aaron. He said he would be put away the DS in a minute. That was 5 minutes ago.