made-upreader asked, “How can I tell which posts are yours and which are Marie’s? They don’t come with signatures”
My response: “Very observant,
non-existent reader.Well, I’ll tell you. The following are the top ten ways my posts differ from Marie’s.”
1. Marie’s posts are, like, a thousand words long. I don’t even have that many words in my entire vocabulary. So, whenever you see the “shorty” tag attached to a post you can rest assured that it’s mine. (On a related note, I think the “bad mom behavior” and “possibly offensive” tagged posts are all mine, too).
2. I say ‘fuck’ a whole fucking lot. Fuck.
3. Marie is nice.
4. You will never see Marie’s kids in pictures because they are invisible.
5. I generally post on Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday, while Marie has Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. (Wait, I have to work on Saturdays?!)
6. My husband likes Marie’s posts better.
Bastard. (I know this doesn’t really demonstrate how to tell the difference between Marie’s posts and mine….but still.)
7. I do the cross-out writing
like this which would make reading my posts out-loud sound weird. Actually, you probably shouldn’t read my posts out loud at your place of employment, in front of your parents or in-laws, or to your children, or anywhere, actually. On second thought, just read Marie’s posts.
8. I start most posts with “So, …” (the intellectual equivalent of “Hold my beer and watch this…”)
9. Marie uses colons frequently in her titles. I didn’t even know keyboards had colons. That certainly explains all the shit that I generate in my posts.
10. I make lots of parenthetical remarks which I once read is a sign of bad writing. (Whatevs).
So, there you have it.