So, some
made-upreader asked, “How can I tell which posts are yours and which are Marie’s? They don’t come with signatures”My response: “Very observant,
non-existent reader.Well, I’ll tell you. The following are the top ten ways my posts differ from Marie’s.”
1. Marie’s posts are, like, a thousand words long. I don’t even have that many words in my entire vocabulary. So, whenever you see the “shorty” tag attached to a post you can rest assured that it’s mine. (On a related note, I think the “bad mom behavior” and “possibly offensive” tagged posts are all mine, too).
2. I say ‘fuck’ a whole fucking lot. Fuck.
3. Marie is nice.
4. You will never see Marie’s kids in pictures because they are invisible.
5. I generally post on Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday, while Marie has Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. (Wait, I have to work on Saturdays?!)
6. My husband likes Marie’s posts better. Bastard. (I know this doesn’t really demonstrate how to tell the difference between Marie’s posts and mine….but still.)
7. I do the cross-out writing like this which would make reading my posts out-loud sound weird. Actually, you probably shouldn’t read my posts out loud at your place of employment, in front of your parents or in-laws, or to your children, or anywhere, actually. On second thought, just read Marie’s posts.
8. I start most posts with “So, …” (the intellectual equivalent of “Hold my beer and watch this…”)
9. Marie uses colons frequently in her titles. I didn’t even know keyboards had colons. That certainly explains all the shit that I generate in my posts.
10. I make lots of parenthetical remarks which I once read is a sign of bad writing. (Whatevs).
So, there you have it.
And you se both so funny! Thanks for the morning giggle Jenny!
And thank you for reading!
11. Marie spits her coffee all over the computer when she reads Jenny’s posts. When she reads her own, she just hopes someone will spit coffee all over their computer screen (even though she knows they’ll just say “Damn, I was hoping for a shorty!”
Another reason not to read Jenny’s posts.
Love,
Your computer
Noted. Thanks for explaining that!
Love, Your Non-Existent Reader
I knew you existed. Now I have proof!
Pah ha ha ….. LOVE number 8. My husband says my verbal equivalent, “Ba-abe?” Terrifies him Usually means I’m about to ask something really stupid, totally impossible or suggest a really bad idea
“Stupid, impossible, or a bad idea?” These are concepts not in my vocabulary. I do however understand “adventurous”, “good imagination”, and “the ambulance is on its way.”
Yeah, ambulance, cops, semantics
Seriously tho, my ‘ideas’ are amazing, the results …..well, mixed at best ….. waste of money, skin, and yet another change of address more common 
I guess it figures keyboards have colons. I mean, mine has a pissed off personality, a bad attitude and dyslexia so it figures it’d have body parts too.
hehehe
keyboards have colons? Totally blew my mind.
I know, right?! But it explains so much…
It is so good to find a mom blog, where moms are real and to the point! You ladies are hilarious and it’s good to know that there are other moms that say F$%k a lot to
Great website!
Hey, thanks! And thank you for reading.
Great post. Any way to add the strike through feature for the comments section? Sadly, I have the verbosity of Marie, with the grammatical “fluidity” (sounds better than errors, no?) of Jenny. In my head, totes a winning combination (and that’s where I would add a strike through of “way to lose readers.”) Keep up the hilarity. From a more imperfecter mommy fan.
You had me at “grammatical fluidity.” I need to find a way to use that on a resume…
And, thanks
I just started reading this blog and this is HILARIOUS! love love love
Hey, glad you found us! And thanks!